Monday, January 9, 2006

The Ego and Its "Special Relationships"
It seems that some spiritual force has picked me up by the collar and marched me over to the Unity church to attend a Course in Miracles study group. I read and studied the course many years ago, always liked it. Now I find myself dropping into the book midstream, and wouldn't you know, they're talking about something that is totally pertinent! Tonight we focused on how the ego (the part of the mind based on fear and separation) always forms "special" relationships, and always to get something. It takes people hostage who it thinks can give us what we didn't get in our past. It keeps these people close by attacking them and making them feel guilty, as though it is their responsibility to do this job for us, or we won't love them. They do the same to us—this twisted responsibility game we mistake for love—and we end up in cycles of violence of various degree, where blame, belittling, and sacrifice are the predominant modes. The ego fears forgiveness, thinking it will cause the Other to leave. So anger is the ego's main tool. "All anger is nothing more than an attempt to make someone feel guilty." I think of myself as a loving person, but this is a whole new thing to pay attention to! I do this attacking in insidious ways, deceive myself that I don't. Time for a little radical honesty. . .

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