Monday, November 20, 2006

(Trying to Remember to) Give Thanks
A strange distractedness is floating around among us, and I walk in and out of its cloud throughout the day, losing awareness then regaining it suddenly. Wow, it's so easy to space out! I have to MAKE myself go outside and smell wet leaves; today I picked up a lemon-yellow sycamore leaf the size of a plate that shocked me awake. "I am grateful" seems like a slightly distant sentiment rather than the state of perpetual aliveness I crave on a daily basis. Here in California, the grass is green, many leaves remain on trees, but progressively chilly nights are stunting the plant kingdom into a stupor: to grow or not to grow? My body is lulled as well. And the prospect of heaping mounds of food coming soon to Thanksgiving tables everywhere! How odd it is that we here have such abundance, so much stuff, clutter, and input of every kind that it dulls us. We can't use the all nourishment we eat, and are arrogantly complaining about how hard it is to lose weight — when people in other countries are scrounging like animals. I have so much! I'm not apologizing for what I have, but looking for a way to stay deeply in touch with my actual needs, and that they are always met. Contemplating THIS humbles me, and this helps me enter gratitude.

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