Tuesday, April 25, 2017
The past week and somewhat this week, I and a number of my friends and clients, have been feeling somewhat "wet noodle-ish" and disconnected. I joked that after being in New York City the previous week, with a full, intense, and upbeat schedule, returning to Florida was like water sinking through the sand and spreading out. It's so peaceful here! And, I felt like I was indulging in "But I don't WANT to!" every time my left brain thought up ambitious things for me to do.
Other friends report not wanting to talk to people, that some of their typical coterie of friends seemed to be conversing about uninteresting things and even things that were just "wrong." And, they weren't even getting riled up about politics! Nothing seemed too interesting. Another friend calls this the "goo state" and she falls into it every so often, especially after a period of intense travel or work.
One friend who does healing was wrestling with whether she should continue with the form she's been using. After talking it through, it seemed like part of her was feeling trapped by people's expectations: fix me, show me a miracle, and let me put you on a pedestal and not take any responsibility myself for what happens to me. She realized that the healing process was sacred and she wanted to stay totally in touch with that. And, that rescuing people wasn't what it was about, though it was easy to want to help people that way.
Another friend who does mediumistic work said the people who set up appointments with her were just not showing up, nor calling to cancel. And she said she didn't much care. After we spoke, it came to light that she was right in the doorway, deciding whether to step through into her natural talents and the probability that she would become well-known and popular. This was dredging up old memories about persecution and she wasn't sure about becoming truly visible again—even though she knew better now. So instead of deciding and working it out, partly because it was all still only semi-conscious, it was easier to avoid the whole thing and "leave her body." This was resulting in her feeling of being disconnected and vague. And, her clients were acting the same way—not commiting to the follow-through.
I'm in a doorway, too. There is a sense of my work in the world expanding in some way, some magical way, and yet my left brain can't picture it or understand the "how." When it tries to push me forward into the new work, using old methodologies and strategies, I rebel. New opportunities have to feel "just right" and I don't know how to explain to myself what that constitutes just yet. When things fit, I light up. If they don't, I just want to read, watch TV, or garden.
I sense there is always a good reason we don't move forward. Often it's an old belief. Like, "If I become really successful, I won't have any time to myself." Or, "If I become too visible, people will misinterpret me or try to harm me." Or, "If I try to do too much, I'll fail." I'm trying to remember that I do know how to create something in my imagination that supports me and others, where it's win-win-win. I don't have to create a partial or paralyzed reality if I don't want to! And, there's nothing wrong with truly resting and gestating new things in a wet noodle-ish state! it's actually rather pleasant!