The acceleration of energy has been fairly excruciating. I don't know how you've been experiencing it, but people are cracking and realities are disintegrating. All that's good in the long run, but personally I've had periods where I felt encased in a deep-sea diving suit with water filling to the top, then subsiding so I could breathe a little, then filling up and subsiding, again and again, as waves of energy overwhelmed me. Sometimes it's emotion and it's harder to discriminate who "owns" the emotions in the soup we're swimming in.
I've heard varying explanations about why the energy inside our bodies and in the physical world is oscillating so fast: astrological transits and eclipses, sunspots, esoteric alignments. I don't know what it is, but it's real. One day my energy is screwed up to a high pitch and if I'm not super-centered, my mind races ahead, I get frustrated, irritated, and panic can take over. Then, it calms and I come back to an experience of being. Then, vroom, vroom, vroom! Off we go again! One day I couldn't even remember how to meditate! I wrote this:
Every few days I feel semi-flattened by something. . .it's not the world, but an internal energy. I wrote this from within the strange state: "I'm walking through an energy wall of electrified particles — whatever molecules become right after they leave my body, where they don't oscillate but scream. I take my mind in there, and with its accustomed neat order, it is electrocuted. I, whatever I am then, want to jump away. I spread out without focus and turn grayish mauve. There are no defenses. The chaos in the world affects me, the noises seem louder, the people abrasive, and in the flatness of feeling I cannot rest. Welling up around every particle is a sad, too-tender syrup of exhaustion.
Finally, in a meditation I visualize the sparkly light spreading through me, and enter it. In the light the particles are oscillating at a faster pace than in the energy wall, yet it's more harmonious and comfortable. The particle orbits are smaller. As I stay in that frequency, the orbits of the subatomic particles get smaller and smaller and finally disappear altogether. I am left simply BEING in a totally continuous, transparent energy of Love. No more particles, no more vibration, no more duality. All is complete and incredibly peaceful. I wonder if I have just made a quantum leap, gone with the particles out of form into another dimension where they aren't energy anymore, but pure awareness.I wonder: Am I resting in the Mind, or in God? Is the Mind my environment, my room, my air? Please, No! Can't use Mind to escape Mind. Is surrender a technique I must learn? I can't take another How right now. Will puts me to sleep. Is it an injection of a sparkly radioactive serum of higher Love spreading out and medicating me back to God? And I need to let it work its way through, not interfering with my human doubt and aggravation? Just tune to the vibration of the serum; stay in that, see it everywhere inside. It takes over the Mind and there is profound relief, and after that is the vision of perfection everywhere, and after that there is meeting my real self, then meeting myself in each one, then there is radiating ease about problems, laughing at separation and the idea of difficulty. I know it's there, waiting. Choose the vibration in the wall, or the tree. Anything is perfect to remind me.
Here are some things you might keep in mind:• Be on alert for fatalistic, limiting declarations in your outer conversations or inner self-talk that feed victim consciousness; stop them midstream when you hear yourself uttering them. Just be spacious instead for a moment until a healthier thought arises from the true core of yourself. Break the old habit of indulging in feeling you are bad and are about to be rejected because someone else feels hurt, or for taking responsibility for other people's hurt. Watch the connected thought and the underlying anxiety: that you must take away their pain or reject them first.
• Practice observing others indulging in their own pain. Let them do it; you will probably discover a simple way (some simple comment, or touch) to help them move forward and through the stuckness, instead of taking it away from them. Offer what assistance you want to offer, because you truly love doing it. Take responsibility only for what you can change in yourself.
• Recognize moments when you flip into accusing, judging, or blaming: yourself or others. Suspend immediately and go soft, blank for a moment until the pause lets you think more responsibly about what's really best to do in those situations. What really needs to be communicated? Form some words that speak truth without projection. Perhaps doing this is going to bring up anxiety, which if followed, will bring you to a blockage from earlier in your life.
• When you visit past memories:
- Think of it as breathing into them, and exhale back into the present moment immediately, letting your mind go soft, as though you don't really know what any of it means yet. Let all the experiences just BE. Do these kind of experiences belong ONLY to you? Or are they a polarized field that many people dip into and personalize in their own way?
- Recognize the repeating stories. What do you get out of repeating them?
Let meaning come when it wants to. Do not overlay meaning just
because your mind is nervous and wants "closure" or definition.
• Contemplate what it really means to forgive, to repent, to receive grace, to give grace. Then start doing it whenever you can remember.
• When you remember, soften your heart, chest, and back; bring oxygen into your cells; stretch out where your body physically contracts; work the tight spots.
• Keep in mind that other people can see your excellence and true nature. You don't have to over-represent your good traits to compensate for things you think are bad.
• Your "boundaries" will form naturally when you are truthful about what works for you to be your fullest self. By telling people what works for you, you are not hurting them, but helping them feel comfortable, because they then know how to act around you and that relieves tension for them. Do what it takes to not confuse people about your intentions.
• Slowly cultivate a cheerful, progressively enthusiastic attitude toward what's possible in the future. How problems can be solved magically in a win-win way—even though you can't think of the solution in the moment. Everything you wanted and were interested in in your youth (that you gave up or put on the back burner) can somehow be included in your present reality, if you allow it.
• Commit to the discovery of the present moment, the fresh awareness that is empowered to emerge through this opening. Simply notice what your higher self/holy spirit part is observing. What are you bringing to your awareness?
• Let yourself enjoy feeling loved, the way a child does. You don't owe the person anything. Your pleasure and feeling of safety in being loved, the light in your eyes, your smile, is reward enough for the person doing the loving.
Please remember that we are all helping each other, that at a deep level — as souls— we do know what we're doing, we do have the guidance to return to our naturally enlightened state and wake up from the dreams we're all so busily embroiled in. We can't jump out of the frying pan, or out of the fire, since there is nothing now BUT the purifying fire. It is our true state, and our best friend. Work with it.
Copyright by Penney Peirce